


Through a small strip above the windowsill, I saw the outside world.

by alter_antarctica



Series: Shameless US Femslash Week [1]
Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: Angst, Day 1 - Firsts, Drabble Collection, Episoide 3.06, Explicit Language, F/F, F/M, Gun Violence, Post-Season 4, Pre-Series, Prostitution, Shameless US Femslash Week, Threats of Rape/Non-Con
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-12
Updated: 2014-09-12
Packaged: 2018-02-17 02:27:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 300
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2293580
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alter_antarctica/pseuds/alter_antarctica
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Collection of three drabbles focusing on Svetlana. The first is set pre-series, the second during Episode 3.06 and the third is post season 4 (Svetlana/Mandy).</p>
            </blockquote>





	Through a small strip above the windowsill, I saw the outside world.

**Author's Note:**

> Please note warnings in the second drabble for non-consensual sex, explicit language and violence.  
> Title taken from a Louise Glück poem.
> 
> Written for the Shameless US Femslash Week - Day 1 Firsts (even though it's Day 3, ugh).

The first time she sleeps with a man for money, she instructs herself that it will be easy. She’s done it before; she knows where the apparatus goes, how the machinery works. The biggest mystery is what she’ll feel. She almost leads herself to the lie that she should enjoy it too, then notices, with shock, during the shouting and pushing, that she is not. All of this must be hidden, though. She must be seen to enjoy it. Everything is about the client – even the fantasy she builds to make herself come. The smile afterwards is plastered for him.

**

The worst time she takes a man’s money for sex, she walks into a room, looking down the barrel of a gun. The air is scratched tight like glass – fist-fighting, a lot of blood, and even a teenage witness. A view to a fuck is not new, but the pet name the gun toter uses makes her skin crawl. She guesses he doesn’t mean that. He’s normally a hard, speed-freak, grunting guy, but his son looks different. Brutalised, but not yet broken. This is the first time she thinks, ‘Maybe not,’ but reality tells that thought to fuck right off.

**

The first time she sleeps with Mandy, it is the result of a vodka-laced dare. She uses her experience. She wants Mandy to enjoy it, sure, but there’s also a voice telling her to make it so good, Mandy will come back for more. That it’s lonely when you’re crusading about, motivated by everyone else’s hate.  
Afterwards, they stretch out, look at each other, but Mandy sees inside. “Did you just fuck me to fuck with my brother?”  
She kisses her quiet and wets her fingers again, but she’s not sure where the lie, or the truth, begins and ends.


End file.
